It had been his first proper relationship you know, the kind that you made official on Facebook and everyone in your circles knew , and on paper, his ex-boyfriend ticked all of the proverbial boxes: Despite his initial reservation, my friend checked in to the room anyway, oblivious to the elephant in it, substituting the lovesick ex who had temporarily moved abroad for a job.
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Under the condition that it was an open relationship of sorts — meaning that if either of them found someone else that readily catered to his needs and desires, he would be allowed to jump ship — they decided to go for it anyway. Long story short, my friend did end up meeting someone else.
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In the spirit of being honest, he relayed this information to the ex, who, suffice to say, did not take it well. It turned out to be a drama-heavy, long-drawn excursion that invited more participants than it should have.
My friend was obviously taken aback and felt terrible about the drama he had involuntarily inflicted, swearing off getting himself into sticky, sex-driven situation or even being in a relationship ever again. It did not help matters that the guy he had caught feelings for was something of a player himself — he, too, had been through the wringer in a previous relationship and decided that he would just be playing the field now.
I was sad to see him dejected, but I was all the more sad for the apparent inability among gay guys, especially the younger breed, to just get a relationship right. His was probably the fifth breakup in my gay circle that took place within the space of three months since the first one, and one of these breakups even resulted in the jilted party, another friend of mine, seeking professional help to cope with the end of his affair.
Meanwhile, every other gay guy in my circle also seems to be constantly bemoaning their singlehood and perpetually adamant in their thirst for an older, more established and preferably white partner.
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I would disclose to friends about my interest in dating them and it would be swiftly refused: I can only ever be the token funny friend, the life of the party, the music encyclopedia, but not the desirable partner. All these disheartening events had me thinking: Or are they way too hung up on preconceived ideal, so much so that: For all my endorsement of sex positivity and non-conforming types of relationship, I do begin to wonder whether we lost our humanity and our capacity to love somewhere between Grindr dick pics and Tinder left swipes.
They quite literally present us as nothing but meat, and as a result, this is how many of us treat one another. I cringe at wholesome domestic bliss being the focal point of modern LGBT rights movement; but at the same time, the emphasis on sexual liberation that used to underpin the movement and remains a prevalent attitude among most LGBT people does leave a bad taste in my mouth, because not everyone is — or should be — sexual in expressing their queerness.
The idea of getting to know someone, cultivating a relationship and sticking around for it has become not only strenuous, but even laughable. The freedom of the gay life is countered by its very unreliability. With this in mind, navigating a queer relationship can be an absolute emotional minefield that it is understandable not many are willing to go there.
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In an interview , actress Tilda Swinton deduced the following on gay people: Social Justice. Donald Trump. Queer Voices. Black Voices.
Latino Voices. Asian Voices.
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